Tis the life of an anti-social

Because of the movie P.S. I love you, i have been terribly sick. remind me to not cry for long periods of time because it is negative to my health. among other things. many things are really not good for my health. but since when has something being bad for me ever stopped me from doing anything. it doesnt.

so lets continue from where i left off. Padme. Chubaka. they are in their bliss. whatever. i got fied so everything between padme and i fell apart. i knew it would. im moving back to my home this summer so anything that happens out here shouldnt really matter to me although most of the time i cant help what matters to me and not.

diggory and cho. well i confessed my everlasting love for diggory and i got rejected. because he is still in love with cho. it is pathetic and sad but i did it. now everytime i see either of them i get an interesting feeling that i really screwed up by saying anything. and i know that really isnt fair of me to say because really, why should i keep things bottled up. but still. maybe i really shouldnt have said anything. if only i had that kind of filter on my brain, i would probably be a lot better off.

freddy. now that was a fail. this should teach me for finding interest in older guys, and to tell you the truth, it is not even that they break my heart. because i break theirs. i have done a great job at pushing myself away from him. just because the chase was over. he was too easy of a catch. my game was over much too quickly for my own liking. i stopped liking him. he was getting on my nerves.

my burst of blogging energy has just ended. sadly. i wanted to say more. get more off my chest. but its just not working that way.

hmm another nameless post.

Padme and i had our chance and it failed miserably. then since i have last posted there are diggory and cho. yes i really went from starwars to Harry potter GOF. but unlike padme and chubaka i only like diggory. and cho is in the way. and unlike the really story line they are both in love with each other. but its been so long since they broke up. cho needs harry and i need diggory. damn it. then there is freddy. bringing in another series of names. freddy has been a part of my life for a while and i didnt really realize it. he has always been on the sidelines. a part of my life i couldnt see but this weekend he really brought himself into my life and i dont know how i feel about it. he is sweet and nice and attractive but i dont know how i feel about it quite yet. plus an age difference. so i really dont know. plus the three boys in TSA. i dont know how to feel about them all. i am just ughh. and that is all here. dont get me started on who i have back home.

so it all started with...

chubaka. yes chubaka. i liked chubaka and through my attempts to get chubaka i fell for padme. chubaka and padme had a thing going on and i fell for both of them. at first it was just physical attraction. by the way both chubaka and padme are older than me. by a lot. in their twenties but still quite a bit older. i was hoping maybe to just spend time with both of them. that nots how it went. chubaka didnt want anything to do with me because of my age. but padme still wanted me. about a week or two went by and padme and i got much much closer. we spent a weekend together. after the weekend she stopped talking to me. i didnt know what i had done. turns out padme is in love with chubaka. here's the thing though. chubaka is moving away. far away. states away. and chubaka is a loner type. i know she is going to get hurt. i dont want to have to pick up the pieces of pretty padme but if i have to i will. but who is going to pick up the pieces of me until then?

trouble

i need to start blogging more often.
i dig this guy at work and its driving me nuts dude

i do believe.

that it has been way too long since i last posted a blog.
what reason has there been to though?
things have been nuts. in both good and bad ways.
i've been spending almost everyday up damn butterfield canyon with slack and cody and doughboy.
watching the meteor shower. starting fires etc etc.

I'm trying so hard to focus on my packets. and ughh its so difficult to concentrate when there are much better things to watch on tv.
but i must graduate. i must must must must. i have way too many people coming for my graduation to not graduate. and if i didn't. i dont know what i would do with myself.

so um. mady is at boarding school. havent talked to her in over a month. its weird. but i think after spending 3 weeks living with her. our friendship kinda fell apart. i just wish i knew how to get ahold of her so i can tell her how much she still means to me.

i've got my new school schedule =]

french AP
drafting
foods
humanities 1100 (pretty much art history)
us gov. (with the coolest teacher in the world! MR. WALKER =])
english 12 CP
auto 1
adv. interior design.

and that is just first semester haha i still have 2 holes in my second semester schedule. so we will see just how much more difficult it can get. this year should be interesting. i dont know what is going to happen with all my friends that i've been hanging out with cause all of them are older and have graduated. =/ i'm sure it will be fine though. once i have a car and all. which i believe tonight slack and i found the perfect car for me =] 2003 mitsubishi eclipse. its a pearly white. and it's automatic. thank god haha. i love slack he's so funny. first we went to the gas station to get drinks and food. then we cruised around for a little bit and then i mentioned having to go look at cars within the next few weeks and we just went straight over to the used car lots down on 10600S. and we walked around. opened up all the cash for clunkers cars and looked at all the kinds of shit that people just left in them. then we were walking by these really cool balloons which are really just like beach balls attached to polls and we tried to get one off but we couldnt. then we noticed a blue one on the ground. slack got it before i did. but as we started walking back to the car (after i got nailed in the face with the sprinklers) i noticed a shiny raspberry colored one pretty close to the car so i booked it grabbed it and ran back to the car. we put them in the trunk and drove off =] i love the adventures my friends and i have =]].

i go back to the hospital for another MRI on the 25th. wish me luck ok?

people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
...i'll keep them still...

I will never be afraid again.

I will keep on fighting 'till the end.
I can water walk on water, I can fly.
I will keep on fighting 'till I die

Sooo. it's been way too long since i posted.
I've been going through a massive manic/depressive period. i never know how i'm going to feel.
since i last posted. on my birthday haha.
i had a bonfire for my birthday. haha pretty much everyone was either tripping on shrooms or stoned. with the exception of my cowboy friends. they just sat there and ate the pizza =] it was pretty damn chill. i received two cartons of camel filters. which i have promptly fully used up.
then like for the last month or so i have gotten really close to my friend Tim <33 love him to death he is like my big brother =] him and cody =] after hanging out everyday for the last month Tim left for Iowa for a few weeks and i probably won't see him till i come back from cali =[ it's gonna be hell to not see my big brother for that long =[ and cody is in cali currently san diego area. but he'll be back friday. and then i leave for cali on Saturday =]] yayzorss California Summer for exactly 3 weeks =] I'm going to be living with my dad the entire time though =[ and i still hate my dad. but i didnt know of any other place that would accommodate me aaand my bestie mady for 3 weeks. ol'well. just have to be more careful about who sees me doing what.
pluss i get to drive the beast haha. it shall be an adventure =]

ughh so many make up credits that i have to finish this summer =[ sadnessesssesss. i'll be able to do though =] i believe in myself. today haha

its my birthday...

and i feel so sick. i came home from school cause i felt so bad.
i dont know why.

happy seventeenth to me.