in the sea there is a fish, a fish that has a secret wish, a wish to be a big cactus

with a pink flower on it
And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert.
And the desert,
So dry and lonely,
That the critters all
Appreciate the effort

Et le jackalope a dit
Je voudrais être un yeti
Pour voler dans la nuit
Et m'en aller loin d'ici
Mais le yeti a dit
Je voudrais être un monstre marin
Pour pouvoir rentrer dans la mer
De tous les requins


i love juno
ive had multiple comments about the similarities in our personalities lol
......I wish i were more like her.
or at least i wish i looked like ellen page. shes gorgeous
i think im in love

the cold airs coming to take its place. you see it comin so embrace

And this is the coldest night of them all
The rain will freeze and snow will fall
To the ground, I'm falling down
I'm stuck here for another day



it is 2 in the morning.
a very ungodly hour to be up at.
tyler is down stairs on the couch.
and im cool with that
i feel like being alone right now.
although if mady were here that would be fantastic

so ive decided that some deity in heaven hates me.
after being house ridden for 2 weeks because of my MS treatment,
i woke up wednesday morning with a lovely bout of pink eye
in both eyes...
someone never wants me to go back to school
not coooool.

i dont think i have ever met anyone in my entire life with more boy drama than me lol
despite having a lovely boyfriend
my relationship with jordan cooper still excels into utter chaos.
tyler knows all about it and perhaps that is why i like him so much
tyler knows i love jordan much more than him and tyler knows that he will probably love someone more than me. but we are taking care of each other in the mean time. and that is why we work.

rawrzorss.
then there is my girl drama. and just for all of you reading my blog that didnt already know this yes i am bisexual. and proud of it. i think that i have the possiblity of finding love in both genders. yep yep.
so yeah for this lovely new semester. i have a class with taylor. i have the biggest crush on this girl. have since world history last year. she knows it too. and now that i have a boyfriend i think that she is starting to have feelings for me again.
i love her timing.

there are a lot of things i want to say.
but i feel like im 10. i feel like im complaining about everything.
to be honest i am so thankful right now though.
i have the most amazing support system.
Out here in SoJo and Back home in Moorpark.
Hell even Choate in Oklahoma.
=]
i have the most amazing friends
and i just want to thank everyone who was there for me when i was in the hospital and when i was bored out of my mind sitting at home these last few weeks.
thank you thank you thank you.

fuck. i need to call blue fish sushi. i hope they are still hiring lol. i need a job haha i need to get some money so i can come visit everyone. <333333333333333333333333

we love you conrad oh yes we do

so ty and i are sitting here watching bye bye birdie =]
i love this musical.
reminds me of 8th grade and tonya and jeremy and just everyone
choir theatre etc.

i think im driving tyler insane by singing everything but i dont care =]
he loves me anyway
rawrrs

oohhh and i got my laptop =]]]]]
i use it 24/7
im wasting away my brain with it

im caught in the streams of yesterdays dreams and all i can say is i'm sorry

i really dont feel like going to school today.
i couldnt sleep.
im not tired.
im drained though.
my head is splitting in two.
i have an essay due in less than an hour that i didnt even start. and im not going to.
i have a test in 3 hours that i missed all the material on and havent quite brought myself up to speed on.
then i have 2 more tests that i havent begun consider.
and i dont care about any of them.
im not going to take them.
even if it means me failing.
i dont care

i cant fucking do it
i cant fucking do any of it.

fucking hopeless.

so here we go.

i feel like its been a million years since i posted.
tyler and i are happy.
he is adorable i am adorable and we are adorable together.
we couldnt have picked a better time.

starting last friday i started feeling really weird.
headaches, my eyes wouldnt focus, nausea.
i just htought i was still getting over being sick.
well sunday night it kept getting worse so we took bobby to the airport after his 5 day stay with us [which was amazing to say the least]
and my mom, mady, tyler and i went to the instacare in riverton.
they took one look at me and told me i should go to the emergency room over at primary childrens hospital.
fanfuckingtastic.
we took mady home cause she had to be at school the next day
but tyler told me he would stay with me.
so we made our way up to the U and went in.
i spent hours in the trauma department.
fucking poking me proding me with needles and patches andfinger monitor things that make you want to pretend you are ET. or that you can just use to smack tyler in the head with when your nurses arent looking.
so doctor after doctor after doctor.
they take me in give me an MRI.
i have abnormal swelling in my brain/brain stem.
it was triggered by my whatever it was i had a few weeks before.
its the first sign kinda thing for a disease called MS or multiple sclerosis.
which is :Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a potentially debilitating disease in which your body's immune system eats away at the protective sheath that covers your nerves. This interferes with the communication between your brain and the rest of your body. Ultimately, this may result in deterioration of the nerves themselves, a process that's not reversible.

so yeah. meet hilary the neurologic mess lol. im just kidding. its not that bad. and it may as well never get that bad. they dont know. but that night they gave me a spinal tap. and that was the worst thing they could ever do to me. i HATE needles. hate hate hate hate hate needles. it was a huge needle that they stick into your spine. gawdddd. it was horrible. but there tyler was and my brother aaron and his girlfriend jess and my mom all holding my hand while the doctors made me chemically drunk. fantastic.
that night i spent in the hospital. it wasnt half bad. they let me go the next day and told me to come bak the day after for more treatment and so on and so forth. high doses of steroids. lortab. all kinda of other stuff. and now i take it at home. which still sucks. but there has only been one day since then that i havent seen tyler. that boy is amazing. he's taking care of me and i need that.

cooper hasnt been there at all. he thought i was lying when i said i was in the hospital. and now he is trying to convince me that our lives are better seperate. maybe they are. but jordan ryuichi william cooper is the one boy i realy wanted to spend my life with. hell im 16 though. what do i know. i just wish he could have been there when i was lying in that hospital bed in pain. im just one lucky SOB that i had tyler there. i dont know what i would have done without him. i think everything would have been a lot worse.

i need to sleep. maybe ill post more tomorrow. idk yet depends on how i feel.
i love you. one and all

Boys boys Boys

i like them much too much
i've gots a boyfriend now lol
his name is tyler =] tyler keepers
he is adorable absolutely adorable =]]
but dont tell cooper.
im trying to leave him out of it.
cause im in love with cooper and always will be. and who knows maybe we will be happy together but i want to be happy and together with someone now instead of just waiting for happiness to come later.
its a waste of life to not be happy.

i love stephi and ryan. lots =]

"You've got a cute way of talking. You've got the better of me,

just snap you're fingers and i'm walking like a dog hangin on your knee

you make me feel like dancin"


Today i only went to one real class.

I went to Shakespeare.

Psychology- we went to sterling scholars assembly

Sociology- Being French club VP i got excused from 3rd so i could spend all 3 lunches running the ring toss and doing jack shit =] we made $73.25 which is a lot better than what some clubs have made. and right before 3rd lunch none other than my cowboy walks up and asks what im up to and tell him. it's $0.25 for one try $0.75 for 3 and for $1 you get 7 tries. well all he had was $0.20 so i told him i'd spot him a nickel. ok and just so you know this ring toss is not easy. it looks easy but it really isn't. he got one ring and made it. i just about pissed my pants. haha i love that kid and then he left his binder on top of the garbage can thing by the lunch tables and we couldnt find it and then half way through 3rd lunch i found it and i had an excuse to go to cowboy corner and see him =]]]

History- So i knew i was gonna be late to this class cause i had to help clean up the ring toss thing. and i had to count the money so on and so forth. so i went to brinton's class and that is right near my cowboy and my frenchie (florian) and my friend natalies spanish class is. so i stalled as long as i possibly could and eventually brinton told me that i didnt have to go to history and that i could just sit through the french 1 class. man i miss it when a french class was that easy haha. and then i was texting cowboy most of the period. =]]] then right before the bell rang i walked in front of their classroom. and natalie told me to come wait in the class for the bell so i did. MERRRRR HE IS SO DAMN CUTE =]

i dont wanna think or talk about anything else right now.

even though there is so much more to tell

but to tell you the truth none of it is really positive. =/

and i want my mady. i miss her.

fuck young womens.

she needs to be here

and i know she would be if her mom hadn't made her go =[