Season 3 of skins is reallly good!!!
i thought it was going to suck so bad cause they threw out everyone from the original cast
besides effy. who i adore.
and i watched the two episodes they have out so far.
and i was blown away.
its like a different show but in a good way ya know?
i'm happy to know i can still indulge myself in a little mischievous britishness once in a while =]
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
hell is around the corner.
here i shelter.
isms and schisms, we're living a skelter
if you believe i'll deceive
and common sense says you are the thief
let me take you down the corridors.
when we first met i felt like cassie did when she liked sid in the beginning of skins. obsessive. paranoid. ridiculous. and many other words...
isms and schisms, we're living a skelter
if you believe i'll deceive
and common sense says you are the thief
let me take you down the corridors.
when we first met i felt like cassie did when she liked sid in the beginning of skins. obsessive. paranoid. ridiculous. and many other words...
but the longer we talked and became closer and eventually got together and i grew up a little we became more like michelle and tony. closely connected. but one of us always needs to have something else when our relationship actually hits a good time for too long.
but now that i had my time away and im ready to come back. you dont want to break her heart. what happened to the boy who was like tony....the heartless one.
why arent you coming back?
Calling All Cars,
We've got another victim
causemy HIS love has become an affliction
If tyler fucking texts me or comments me again im going to fucking drive to tooele and punch him in his lovely fucking face.
SPACE MEANS SPACE! SPACE DOES NOT MEAN COMMENT ME AND TEXT ME EVERYDAY!!!!!!!
TYLER FUCK OFF!!
I feel much better now. ..
i'm excited for cali in one week =]]]]]
love love love love love love love steph and ryan
cause
If tyler fucking texts me or comments me again im going to fucking drive to tooele and punch him in his lovely fucking face.
SPACE MEANS SPACE! SPACE DOES NOT MEAN COMMENT ME AND TEXT ME EVERYDAY!!!!!!!
TYLER FUCK OFF!!
I feel much better now. ..
i'm excited for cali in one week =]]]]]
love love love love love love love steph and ryan
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Three Sleepless Nights, This Isn't How It Was Supposed To Be...
but you're so good at taking your time to get back to me
and i will wait for you forever
if you would just ask me
and i thought that i could change you, but you've changed me
it doesn't feel right holding someone elses hand
together on phone lines, living at two opposite ends
it scares me to think that you could find takers other than me
and better than me
but your head is elsewhere and i'm talking enough for both of us
when will you see? it's not (it's not) so easy for me
But you're careless, (i fall from ) and whispered, (your eyes)
(i trusted) insulting, and bruising (i thought that you said forever)
and i thought that you said things were improving
these laces are untied, but my feet are still walking away. away.
(laces .. are .. untied .. but my feet .. are still walking away)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say...)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can...)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be... )
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be friends )
how can you take all these days?
(what is inside of me, what have i done?)
and throw them away
(is this the only way that you'll notice me?)
as i sit here waiting for you (for you)
(dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)
i stay up nights
(if you're still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky
(why can't you look at me can you only see)
knowing what my dreams can take away
(one side your side, can take away)
Today was good int he beginning. i woke up. went to the first hour of church as my mother and i's agreement states. and then i went and picked up mady. her front door is always unlocked. so i walked in, her church starts an hour later than mine and her parents had just left and she was in the shower. so i go in the basement and knock on the door (which is locked) and she says "Eli just leave without me!" and im like "You stupid whore! it's Hilary you cunt." and she's like "HILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!" and unlocked the door so then i talked to her for a min and then i went to raid her jeans because my mom is going to help me make them into straight leg jeans cause mady doesnt evn wear her jeans anyways and i hate flares. so i have at least like 6 pairs of new pants that will soon be acceptable to wear =] yay! i needed new jeans. but yeah then mady got dressed and we went to the store to buy stuff that my mom asked me to buy. and then we came back to my house and looked at all of our pictures from last night which i will put a few up so you can all see our fun day and night of epicness. but yeah then we hopped in the car and i took her home so she could beat her parents coming home from church. and we get to the corner near her house and her mom's van is outside. and im like OH SHIT GET OUT OF MY CAR. and she starts getting out when her mom comes outside. and like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT and i put it in reverse and go around the corner. her mom didnt see a thing lol. =] im talented at sneaky sneaky. even though that really wasnt all that sneaky. =P So then later mady walked to my house and we hung out. i did her make up. i gave her barbie pink and white instead of green and teal like last night. and i did White and Black with crisscrossness. which hopefully i can take a picture of. it was pretty cool. then tyler starts texting me. and by the way we talked and decided we dont want to be together anymore cause he moved. =]. but he was texting me and he's like im in town watching the superbowl can i come over? and im like whatever. and hes like ok im coming. so mady and i are just sitting here watching youtube videos and we open the door for him and i give him a hug. im trying to be nice cause i care about him and stuff. and he sits down and he starts talking to me about his new job and some new girls he's met down in tooele right in the middle of the video mady and i were avidly watching. mady and i both just kinda got really pissy.. and we got up to go make our ice cream sandwiches that we needed to make before her mom came and tyler keeps talking. then all the sudden he's like "im going to go. bye." and walks out of my house gets in his car and leaves. and mady and i just look at each other and are like WHAT THE FUCK? then i texted him and said "i really dont know what your problem is or why you have changed so much but im really sick of it. I told you we were watching videos and you came over knowing that." and he said something along the lines of "you didnt care i was there and i was hella bored" "i did care but im not going to drop everything to ask you about your move and we were watching a video you can ask mady. you've changed. you used to be chill but now you are just really dramatic." then he said that he was sorry and that just to give him one more chance at being friends. he's been really stressed with the move etc. and i told him to give me some space cause i care about him but he really pissed me off.
i feel better now that i've typed that out but at the same time now i have another boy to think about. cooper has reverted. i had him so trained to actually pick up his phone and to call me and to text me back and he once again has gone back to the way he was when i first met him, never picking up his phone. and it still hurts just as bad as it used to =/ i mean it really wouldn't hurt him if he called back or even just called me once in a while. but he never does. was training him in the first place just a waste of time? i feel slightly abandoned by him once again. and it sucks. if he doesnt call me or text me soon then he isnt going to see me when i come to visit. as heartbreaking as that would be to me. =/ does he even care anymore? i dont know. he wont say a word.
my blogs always seem to have an overemotional lean to them dont they? maybe its cause i dont blog about more of the good happy things that happen? one day ill get the hang of it. one day.
Madykins and I looking all trippy and fun
and i will wait for you forever
if you would just ask me
and i thought that i could change you, but you've changed me
it doesn't feel right holding someone elses hand
together on phone lines, living at two opposite ends
it scares me to think that you could find takers other than me
and better than me
but your head is elsewhere and i'm talking enough for both of us
when will you see? it's not (it's not) so easy for me
But you're careless, (i fall from ) and whispered, (your eyes)
(i trusted) insulting, and bruising (i thought that you said forever)
and i thought that you said things were improving
these laces are untied, but my feet are still walking away. away.
(laces .. are .. untied .. but my feet .. are still walking away)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say...)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can...)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be... )
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be friends )
how can you take all these days?
(what is inside of me, what have i done?)
and throw them away
(is this the only way that you'll notice me?)
as i sit here waiting for you (for you)
(dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)
i stay up nights
(if you're still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky
(why can't you look at me can you only see)
knowing what my dreams can take away
(one side your side, can take away)
Today was good int he beginning. i woke up. went to the first hour of church as my mother and i's agreement states. and then i went and picked up mady. her front door is always unlocked. so i walked in, her church starts an hour later than mine and her parents had just left and she was in the shower. so i go in the basement and knock on the door (which is locked) and she says "Eli just leave without me!" and im like "You stupid whore! it's Hilary you cunt." and she's like "HILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!" and unlocked the door so then i talked to her for a min and then i went to raid her jeans because my mom is going to help me make them into straight leg jeans cause mady doesnt evn wear her jeans anyways and i hate flares. so i have at least like 6 pairs of new pants that will soon be acceptable to wear =] yay! i needed new jeans. but yeah then mady got dressed and we went to the store to buy stuff that my mom asked me to buy. and then we came back to my house and looked at all of our pictures from last night which i will put a few up so you can all see our fun day and night of epicness. but yeah then we hopped in the car and i took her home so she could beat her parents coming home from church. and we get to the corner near her house and her mom's van is outside. and im like OH SHIT GET OUT OF MY CAR. and she starts getting out when her mom comes outside. and like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT and i put it in reverse and go around the corner. her mom didnt see a thing lol. =] im talented at sneaky sneaky. even though that really wasnt all that sneaky. =P So then later mady walked to my house and we hung out. i did her make up. i gave her barbie pink and white instead of green and teal like last night. and i did White and Black with crisscrossness. which hopefully i can take a picture of. it was pretty cool. then tyler starts texting me. and by the way we talked and decided we dont want to be together anymore cause he moved. =]. but he was texting me and he's like im in town watching the superbowl can i come over? and im like whatever. and hes like ok im coming. so mady and i are just sitting here watching youtube videos and we open the door for him and i give him a hug. im trying to be nice cause i care about him and stuff. and he sits down and he starts talking to me about his new job and some new girls he's met down in tooele right in the middle of the video mady and i were avidly watching. mady and i both just kinda got really pissy.. and we got up to go make our ice cream sandwiches that we needed to make before her mom came and tyler keeps talking. then all the sudden he's like "im going to go. bye." and walks out of my house gets in his car and leaves. and mady and i just look at each other and are like WHAT THE FUCK? then i texted him and said "i really dont know what your problem is or why you have changed so much but im really sick of it. I told you we were watching videos and you came over knowing that." and he said something along the lines of "you didnt care i was there and i was hella bored" "i did care but im not going to drop everything to ask you about your move and we were watching a video you can ask mady. you've changed. you used to be chill but now you are just really dramatic." then he said that he was sorry and that just to give him one more chance at being friends. he's been really stressed with the move etc. and i told him to give me some space cause i care about him but he really pissed me off.
i feel better now that i've typed that out but at the same time now i have another boy to think about. cooper has reverted. i had him so trained to actually pick up his phone and to call me and to text me back and he once again has gone back to the way he was when i first met him, never picking up his phone. and it still hurts just as bad as it used to =/ i mean it really wouldn't hurt him if he called back or even just called me once in a while. but he never does. was training him in the first place just a waste of time? i feel slightly abandoned by him once again. and it sucks. if he doesnt call me or text me soon then he isnt going to see me when i come to visit. as heartbreaking as that would be to me. =/ does he even care anymore? i dont know. he wont say a word.
my blogs always seem to have an overemotional lean to them dont they? maybe its cause i dont blog about more of the good happy things that happen? one day ill get the hang of it. one day.
Madykins and I looking all trippy and fun
Friday, January 30, 2009
i've decided
i have no life.........
tyler has officially moved back in with his dad and stepmom in tooele. i feel kinda bad that i was so happy. but then i also realized that my social life has gone down the toilet since i was sick. and im kinda really sad that mady is being a master-debater (masturbater) all this weekend. maybe i should join debate next year? i dunnoo. i dont think i could deal with carol as a coach.
oh and i just spent forever watching the videos of allie and kellen. cause it was ridiculously funny and i really have nothing better to do. so yeah. i have no lifee.
its pretty much 11 days till i come home for 6 days. =] im happy happy happy. lots of fun things. lots of lovin.
ok back to tyler. he just called to tell me he's lonely. i feel bad cause i dont care. he went from being way chill to way obsessive and clingy and i hate it. hate it hate it hate it.
and i really like my profile song on myspace. go check it out. its not all in spanish i promise although a lot of it is but its good =]it makes me wanna dance with a boy.
i think im done for now. sleepy times? i think sooo.
still havent written my history essay or read my 8 chapters in Frankenstein or in the scarlet letter or any of the fantastical things i should have done with my day off of life today
tyler has officially moved back in with his dad and stepmom in tooele. i feel kinda bad that i was so happy. but then i also realized that my social life has gone down the toilet since i was sick. and im kinda really sad that mady is being a master-debater (masturbater) all this weekend. maybe i should join debate next year? i dunnoo. i dont think i could deal with carol as a coach.
oh and i just spent forever watching the videos of allie and kellen. cause it was ridiculously funny and i really have nothing better to do. so yeah. i have no lifee.
its pretty much 11 days till i come home for 6 days. =] im happy happy happy. lots of fun things. lots of lovin.
ok back to tyler. he just called to tell me he's lonely. i feel bad cause i dont care. he went from being way chill to way obsessive and clingy and i hate it. hate it hate it hate it.
and i really like my profile song on myspace. go check it out. its not all in spanish i promise although a lot of it is but its good =]it makes me wanna dance with a boy.
i think im done for now. sleepy times? i think sooo.
still havent written my history essay or read my 8 chapters in Frankenstein or in the scarlet letter or any of the fantastical things i should have done with my day off of life today
Thursday, January 29, 2009
we've run out of words. we've run out of time
We've run out of reasons really why we together
We both know it's over baby bottom line
It's best we don't even talk at all
Don't call me even if I should cross your mind
Hard enough I don't need to hear your voice on my messages
Let's just call it quits it's probably better
So if I'm not returning your calls it's 'cause
'Cause I'm not comin' back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone but baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed
'Cause it's over
Girl BOY you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryin to erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I sweargirl BOY it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
i dont know what to say to tyler. he's been acting so different and i know its because he is "jealous" of cooper now. even though he promised. he promised that he wouldnt. he promised he wouldnt fall in love with me. he promised. and now you can tell he is. its frustrating. i care about him. but i dont want it. i dont want it anymore. it got too serious for me.
i want to go home. home home. not 10983 sunup way but 7185 pecan ave. my real home.
We both know it's over baby bottom line
It's best we don't even talk at all
Don't call me even if I should cross your mind
Hard enough I don't need to hear your voice on my messages
Let's just call it quits it's probably better
So if I'm not returning your calls it's 'cause
'Cause I'm not comin' back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not anymore
I got the picture phone but baby your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed
'Cause it's over
So when you call I'm pressin' seven
Don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryin to erase you from my mind
'Cause it's over
I swear
So don't keep callin' leavin' messages
Don't wanna know where you been
Baby 'cause it's over
i dont know what to say to tyler. he's been acting so different and i know its because he is "jealous" of cooper now. even though he promised. he promised that he wouldnt. he promised he wouldnt fall in love with me. he promised. and now you can tell he is. its frustrating. i care about him. but i dont want it. i dont want it anymore. it got too serious for me.
i want to go home. home home. not 10983 sunup way but 7185 pecan ave. my real home.
Monday, January 26, 2009
So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go my heart remains with you.
And I'm not sure what I'm looking for.
But it's clear to see the purpose of my existence
Is laying here in front of me.
So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go
And if all else fails you can look up at the sky
Because it's the same one that shines above you and I.
And if all else fails you can close your eyes
And I'll be right beside you.
I'll be the one by your side
Some songs are just too perfect for how you feel.
im supposed to be writing my essay
but i dont wanna.... *stamps feet and throws a hissy fit*
im just kidding. im a mature 16 year old i wouldnt do thatttt
.........
next two weeks need to go by fast.
everything i want is waiting for me in lovely southern california.
ryan and stephi and cooper and molly and just everything.
i want to come back for good.
but as magical as it would be.
i couldnt live with my dad.
i could technically move back.
but its not worth it if i have to live with keenan.
i couldnt do it
i would go insane
ive told a couple people this. that my one really big problem with moving was that now graduating is just a ceremony to tell me that i didnt fail. if i hadnt moved. it would be more of an accomplishment. it would mean so much more to me. i want to graduate with the people i grew up with my entire life. the people that have seen me through all my awkward stages and all my ridiculous moments. ever since my brother graduated moorpark its always been like just something engraved in my mind. "follow in tory's footsteps. he knows what he's doing" to graduate moorpark high school was alwasy a kind of expectation and now that its gone. graduating really doesnt mean anything to me. graduating isnt supposed to just mean "hey look you got good grades hurray" its a celebration of making it through all the shit. all the years. all the little fights with your best friends all the broken hearts and all the anxiety of trying to get good grades on top of that. and i mean yeah im going through that here at bingham but it just feels like half of it is missing. ya know?
god damn it everyone in utah is getting married. first it was melody then it was my cousin maren and now shanna is getting married. jeezzzz how many weddings can one girl go to in a season? im not complaining though =] i like getting all dressed up and take lots of pictures =]
oh oh oh and my friend dani from eighth grade had a freaking baby! she is what 17? but she looks happy and her baby is absolutely gorgeous.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go my heart remains with you.
And I'm not sure what I'm looking for.
But it's clear to see the purpose of my existence
Is laying here in front of me.
So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go
And if all else fails you can look up at the sky
Because it's the same one that shines above you and I.
And if all else fails you can close your eyes
And I'll be right beside you.
I'll be the one by your side
Some songs are just too perfect for how you feel.
im supposed to be writing my essay
but i dont wanna.... *stamps feet and throws a hissy fit*
im just kidding. im a mature 16 year old i wouldnt do thatttt
.........
next two weeks need to go by fast.
everything i want is waiting for me in lovely southern california.
ryan and stephi and cooper and molly and just everything.
i want to come back for good.
but as magical as it would be.
i couldnt live with my dad.
i could technically move back.
but its not worth it if i have to live with keenan.
i couldnt do it
i would go insane
ive told a couple people this. that my one really big problem with moving was that now graduating is just a ceremony to tell me that i didnt fail. if i hadnt moved. it would be more of an accomplishment. it would mean so much more to me. i want to graduate with the people i grew up with my entire life. the people that have seen me through all my awkward stages and all my ridiculous moments. ever since my brother graduated moorpark its always been like just something engraved in my mind. "follow in tory's footsteps. he knows what he's doing" to graduate moorpark high school was alwasy a kind of expectation and now that its gone. graduating really doesnt mean anything to me. graduating isnt supposed to just mean "hey look you got good grades hurray" its a celebration of making it through all the shit. all the years. all the little fights with your best friends all the broken hearts and all the anxiety of trying to get good grades on top of that. and i mean yeah im going through that here at bingham but it just feels like half of it is missing. ya know?
god damn it everyone in utah is getting married. first it was melody then it was my cousin maren and now shanna is getting married. jeezzzz how many weddings can one girl go to in a season? im not complaining though =] i like getting all dressed up and take lots of pictures =]
oh oh oh and my friend dani from eighth grade had a freaking baby! she is what 17? but she looks happy and her baby is absolutely gorgeous.
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