Watching Skins

Is probably not good for my health.

it aggravates me excites me depresses me and makes me happy all at the same time.
it makes me want to smoke a joint or two and have sex with every hot guy or girl on the street.
(which of course my morals and heart would never let me commit the latter)
it makes me want to find new friends and party every night.
it makes me want to dress differently.
it makes me want to move to bristol.
(which i will do one day anyways)
it makes me want to fall in love.
it makes me want to not be scared of what anyone thinks.

lately things have been good academically and decent in general. california helped a lot with my motivation. I miss Mady though. she is at debate every weekend and i feel our relationship slipping through my fingers. SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND. but i dont think im hers. I TELL HER EVERYTHING. and she really doesnt tell me anything. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER. BAIL HER OUT OF JAIL. PICK HER UP FROM ANYWHERE AT ANY TIME. I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR HER. ALL I WANT TO DO IS PROTECT HER. But. She just wants me to live my life. I dont know if she would take a bullet for me. and the only reason we see each other is because i call her and arrange it or i come wake her up or etc. Her birthday is less than a month away and i know what im going to get her. i hope she likes it and takes it serious. I dont want to say what it is incase of the off chance she actually logs onto blogger between now and then. unlikely but still relatively possible. but im just scared i suppose. if she wont tell me about her life then who is she telling? and if she isnt telling anyone then when is it going to eat her up? i know what it is like to not say anything and that is why i blog now. i cant keep it bottled up anymore. I WANT TO BE THE PERSON SHE TRUSTS EVERYTHING TO. because that is who she is to me... I WANT TO KNOW WHO SHE LIKES AND WHEN SHE MEETS THEM. I WANT TO KNOW HER PAST. I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HER. and she wont tell me =/

I'm getting everything taken care of so that i can spend a few weeks back home over the summer. maybe sometime in Seattle with Mady and her dad and then some time in wyoming with my uncle brent riding horses and such.
I'm also getting everything taken care of so that i can raise my GPA so that i can get into the school of my dreams. i'm keeping my lips sealed so that i dont jinx getting in. <33

ugh. larry lohan. i think he was talking about me. i mean the only other mormon i know he knows is angie. and i think she is incapable of doing any wrong. my blog states just about everything. drugs sex bisexualness. i dont care. if he respects me i'll respect him. maliciousness goes no where. and as long as there isnt any shit talking then his blog is entertaining to read. but when it gets maliscious it just gets stupid.