Sunday, February 1, 2009

Three Sleepless Nights, This Isn't How It Was Supposed To Be...

but you're so good at taking your time to get back to me
and i will wait for you forever
if you would just ask me
and i thought that i could change you, but you've changed me
it doesn't feel right holding someone elses hand
together on phone lines, living at two opposite ends
it scares me to think that you could find takers other than me
and better than me
but your head is elsewhere and i'm talking enough for both of us
when will you see? it's not (it's not) so easy for me
But you're careless, (i fall from ) and whispered, (your eyes)
(i trusted) insulting, and bruising (i thought that you said forever)
and i thought that you said things were improving
these laces are untied, but my feet are still walking away. away.
(laces .. are .. untied .. but my feet .. are still walking away)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say...)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can...)
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be... )
i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?
(don't say that we can still be friends )
how can you take all these days?
(what is inside of me, what have i done?)
and throw them away
(is this the only way that you'll notice me?)
as i sit here waiting for you (for you)
(dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)
i stay up nights
(if you're still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky
(why can't you look at me can you only see)
knowing what my dreams can take away
(one side your side, can take away)

Today was good int he beginning. i woke up. went to the first hour of church as my mother and i's agreement states. and then i went and picked up mady. her front door is always unlocked. so i walked in, her church starts an hour later than mine and her parents had just left and she was in the shower. so i go in the basement and knock on the door (which is locked) and she says "Eli just leave without me!" and im like "You stupid whore! it's Hilary you cunt." and she's like "HILLLLLLLLLLLL!!!" and unlocked the door so then i talked to her for a min and then i went to raid her jeans because my mom is going to help me make them into straight leg jeans cause mady doesnt evn wear her jeans anyways and i hate flares. so i have at least like 6 pairs of new pants that will soon be acceptable to wear =] yay! i needed new jeans. but yeah then mady got dressed and we went to the store to buy stuff that my mom asked me to buy. and then we came back to my house and looked at all of our pictures from last night which i will put a few up so you can all see our fun day and night of epicness. but yeah then we hopped in the car and i took her home so she could beat her parents coming home from church. and we get to the corner near her house and her mom's van is outside. and im like OH SHIT GET OUT OF MY CAR. and she starts getting out when her mom comes outside. and like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT and i put it in reverse and go around the corner. her mom didnt see a thing lol. =] im talented at sneaky sneaky. even though that really wasnt all that sneaky. =P So then later mady walked to my house and we hung out. i did her make up. i gave her barbie pink and white instead of green and teal like last night. and i did White and Black with crisscrossness. which hopefully i can take a picture of. it was pretty cool. then tyler starts texting me. and by the way we talked and decided we dont want to be together anymore cause he moved. =]. but he was texting me and he's like im in town watching the superbowl can i come over? and im like whatever. and hes like ok im coming. so mady and i are just sitting here watching youtube videos and we open the door for him and i give him a hug. im trying to be nice cause i care about him and stuff. and he sits down and he starts talking to me about his new job and some new girls he's met down in tooele right in the middle of the video mady and i were avidly watching. mady and i both just kinda got really pissy.. and we got up to go make our ice cream sandwiches that we needed to make before her mom came and tyler keeps talking. then all the sudden he's like "im going to go. bye." and walks out of my house gets in his car and leaves. and mady and i just look at each other and are like WHAT THE FUCK? then i texted him and said "i really dont know what your problem is or why you have changed so much but im really sick of it. I told you we were watching videos and you came over knowing that." and he said something along the lines of "you didnt care i was there and i was hella bored" "i did care but im not going to drop everything to ask you about your move and we were watching a video you can ask mady. you've changed. you used to be chill but now you are just really dramatic." then he said that he was sorry and that just to give him one more chance at being friends. he's been really stressed with the move etc. and i told him to give me some space cause i care about him but he really pissed me off.

i feel better now that i've typed that out but at the same time now i have another boy to think about. cooper has reverted. i had him so trained to actually pick up his phone and to call me and to text me back and he once again has gone back to the way he was when i first met him, never picking up his phone. and it still hurts just as bad as it used to =/ i mean it really wouldn't hurt him if he called back or even just called me once in a while. but he never does. was training him in the first place just a waste of time? i feel slightly abandoned by him once again. and it sucks. if he doesnt call me or text me soon then he isnt going to see me when i come to visit. as heartbreaking as that would be to me. =/ does he even care anymore? i dont know. he wont say a word.

my blogs always seem to have an overemotional lean to them dont they? maybe its cause i dont blog about more of the good happy things that happen? one day ill get the hang of it. one day.

Madykins and I looking all trippy and fun

i was really upset i didnt know what it did....

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