Now that i've lost everything to you

You say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

skins season 3 is over and it's very sad how much i have come to love that show. what am i supposed to do every friday morning until season 4 comes out? who knows??

school is sucking majorly. i dont know what to do.

everyday i find myself being able to concentrate less and less. i dont know if its early senoritis or if it's because of my MS? i really dont. i dont want to go back to the doctor though...it's such an easy disease to forget about until it acts up again. and i just really hope that it isnt acting up again.

last week jordan was here. it was fun. prom and all. we spent a lot of time down in sugar house. and i really hope that for the short while im here this summer that i can spend some time down there with mady. its really an awesome place. there are a lot of things that i want to do this summer. but if i want to get a job. i dont think i can. mady and i were planning to go to moorpark for a few weeks. and then i have debate camp for like a week and a half in july. then i wanted to go to wyoming and stay with uncle bruce for a weekend or two. but if i get a job....i dont think i can....

there are auditions for Music Man coming up soon. i think i might try it. mady's mom is the director. so if i didnt make it. i could do tech for it. ii dont know though... that part of my life is pretty much over...

idk...
i need to go take out my contacts. ttyl

today was mason's birthday party =]

aww my little baby nephew turned 2 yesterday =]]
he is the cutest little boy ever....
i miss him sooo much.
it was at chuck e cheese haha and my mom and i got over 1200 tickets from playing the games =]]]]]

then mady and i went and bought hair dye. which im currently doing now.
gotta look good for prom =]

I'm in mucho pain.

Every morning i keep waking up so tired and i convince my mom to let me sleep in.
not good not good.
today i told her that i need to stay home. and i did.
i sleep until like 10 or 11 and then i got up and started working on my homework.
i'm about to go take a bath because my entire body is aching and i dont know why =[
oh and yesterday i got punched in the nose by a 7 year old with major issues.
yeah. yay for life at the moment...

marionette dangling on the strings of someone elses every day

ummm. ok.

mady and i are in a bit of a rough patch hopefully it smooths out. i dont know. she is sick of me there is no way around it. maybe she just needs her space. im sure she does.

natalie came over tonight. it was nice. i missed her. her and i are very alike.

nick is amazing. love love love him to death. mady tells him more than she tells me... it hurts like fuck. but whatever. haha nick and i were talking about how perfect we are for each other and like it sucks that we just barely got so close cause now we are both in complicated relationship type things yesterday. it was a very interesting conversation.

i have a story to write. its about a girl. who overdoes on a park bench and dreams that she is like back in marie antoinettes era. yeahhh

A Lot Of Tempest In A Pot Of Tea...

i really hate the original broadway cast of oklahoma. so fake. but i couldnt find the london cast. =/
so now i switched to listening to J Holiday. fun fun

so yeahh. if people thought my relationship with jordan was bad they should meet natalie and alex. natalie is like one of my best friends and well she cant get over alex and im scared that if she doesnt let go the relationship will get violent. he treats her like shit 24/7. she doent even know why she loves him. i asked her to give me a couple reasons why she loves him and she couldnt even give me one. at least i can find a few logical reasons why i love jordan...i dont know im just worried about her.

MADY IS OFFICIALLY DONE WITH DEBATE NOWWW!!

yay!! i missed her and now we can hang out a lot more <33 i love madison jill smith

Why is it...

That the days when i have unrestricted car access that NO ONE can hang out?
mady is at state.
natalie is babysitting
charlie,george, leonard, and reid and all with zac who i still refuse to talk to.
and other than that im pretty POed at everyone else.

grrr. from amazing to shit.
i just love my life.

got my toes does today which was good. didnt see nick at all which was sad. and today has just been really weird.

i guess bridger is gonna come over but i dont know what we are going to do. =/

Today ah lovely today

I saw this yesterday on livejournal secret and im like. hmm. maybe that is just what i need. and guess what! i had an awesome day today!! =]=]=]=] overall it was a good day but the best part was when i went to visit mady at work. a lot of throwing people in the freezer and turning the lights on and off. the most spectacular of these events was when nick shut mady in the freezer. and just to tell you mady i scared of the dark haha. so im flipping the lights on and off and she is freaking out so then i go inside to console her because she is scared out of her mind. i knew he was going to shut us in there and he did haha he started flipping on and off the lights and mady recommenced her freaking out and so i tried opening the door and he was blocking it so then i promptly started making moaning noises and telling mady to "stop it that tickles" nick automatically opens the door haha and we ambush him. thats only the half of it. but im tired and i dont want to type. but today was a great day. i needed it. <3333

One day

I'm going to go and you wont be able to get me to come back.
one day.
one day im going to show the whole world what a fucking douche bag you are. just you wait.
just you fucking wait.

i feel like singing sad songs all night

I feel like tuning you out
But you want to make it into more of a fight
Is this yelling what love's all about?

So go on, and tear me apart
Yeah just go on, aim straight for my chest
And maybe it's mostly my fault
'Cause if I'm the only girl you've ever had, I guess I can't be the best
I can't be the best

once again i state that some song are just perfect for how you feel.


these last 2 days have been the worst days in a long time.
i need something new to focus on.

Yesterday was Inspirational.

Watch this video First


That is what Buttars-Palooza is and i went with my friend Alexis yesterday. It was AMAZING!!!!
like its hard to even describe the feeling of being around so many people that love you without even knowing you. and jeez there were so many dogs there haha some of the cutest little puppies i've ever seen. but it was just an amazing thing. All the really good picturss that i took are on my deviant art
http://unexpected-lies.deviantart.com/