i do believe.

that it has been way too long since i last posted a blog.
what reason has there been to though?
things have been nuts. in both good and bad ways.
i've been spending almost everyday up damn butterfield canyon with slack and cody and doughboy.
watching the meteor shower. starting fires etc etc.

I'm trying so hard to focus on my packets. and ughh its so difficult to concentrate when there are much better things to watch on tv.
but i must graduate. i must must must must. i have way too many people coming for my graduation to not graduate. and if i didn't. i dont know what i would do with myself.

so um. mady is at boarding school. havent talked to her in over a month. its weird. but i think after spending 3 weeks living with her. our friendship kinda fell apart. i just wish i knew how to get ahold of her so i can tell her how much she still means to me.

i've got my new school schedule =]

french AP
drafting
foods
humanities 1100 (pretty much art history)
us gov. (with the coolest teacher in the world! MR. WALKER =])
english 12 CP
auto 1
adv. interior design.

and that is just first semester haha i still have 2 holes in my second semester schedule. so we will see just how much more difficult it can get. this year should be interesting. i dont know what is going to happen with all my friends that i've been hanging out with cause all of them are older and have graduated. =/ i'm sure it will be fine though. once i have a car and all. which i believe tonight slack and i found the perfect car for me =] 2003 mitsubishi eclipse. its a pearly white. and it's automatic. thank god haha. i love slack he's so funny. first we went to the gas station to get drinks and food. then we cruised around for a little bit and then i mentioned having to go look at cars within the next few weeks and we just went straight over to the used car lots down on 10600S. and we walked around. opened up all the cash for clunkers cars and looked at all the kinds of shit that people just left in them. then we were walking by these really cool balloons which are really just like beach balls attached to polls and we tried to get one off but we couldnt. then we noticed a blue one on the ground. slack got it before i did. but as we started walking back to the car (after i got nailed in the face with the sprinklers) i noticed a shiny raspberry colored one pretty close to the car so i booked it grabbed it and ran back to the car. we put them in the trunk and drove off =] i love the adventures my friends and i have =]].

i go back to the hospital for another MRI on the 25th. wish me luck ok?

people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
...i'll keep them still...

I will never be afraid again.

I will keep on fighting 'till the end.
I can water walk on water, I can fly.
I will keep on fighting 'till I die

Sooo. it's been way too long since i posted.
I've been going through a massive manic/depressive period. i never know how i'm going to feel.
since i last posted. on my birthday haha.
i had a bonfire for my birthday. haha pretty much everyone was either tripping on shrooms or stoned. with the exception of my cowboy friends. they just sat there and ate the pizza =] it was pretty damn chill. i received two cartons of camel filters. which i have promptly fully used up.
then like for the last month or so i have gotten really close to my friend Tim <33 love him to death he is like my big brother =] him and cody =] after hanging out everyday for the last month Tim left for Iowa for a few weeks and i probably won't see him till i come back from cali =[ it's gonna be hell to not see my big brother for that long =[ and cody is in cali currently san diego area. but he'll be back friday. and then i leave for cali on Saturday =]] yayzorss California Summer for exactly 3 weeks =] I'm going to be living with my dad the entire time though =[ and i still hate my dad. but i didnt know of any other place that would accommodate me aaand my bestie mady for 3 weeks. ol'well. just have to be more careful about who sees me doing what.
pluss i get to drive the beast haha. it shall be an adventure =]

ughh so many make up credits that i have to finish this summer =[ sadnessesssesss. i'll be able to do though =] i believe in myself. today haha

its my birthday...

and i feel so sick. i came home from school cause i felt so bad.
i dont know why.

happy seventeenth to me.

i really love how my behavioral science teacher has a blog spot just to put homework and what we did that day on. it makes me very happy thank god for mr.andrus.

i got a 26 on my first try of the act =] im pretty proud of myself =]] mady got a 16 =[ she should have studied with me but there were always better things to do =[

...

My cat kirra has disappeared. i dont know what to do...she was the best cat ever. we can't find her...she had a tag but it has an outdated phone number on it.


I want her back...now.

Like honestly?

i'm i only here for you to amuse yourself when you want me?
because thats not right.
i'm not going to sit around waiting for you to call, when you never do.
i have plans. i have a life.
why is it your plans? your life?
and how come when i call you never answer but if you call me i should always have to answer.
its not fair.
the only reason you talk sweet to me occasionally is because you know that one day
NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU and maybe if you are lucky you can sweet talk me into taking care of your fucked up self.
you know ill stay by you because i promised that.
and you are using it against me.
YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF LOVE.
YOU DONT HAVE A CLUE.
YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO FEEL LIKE I FEEL WHEN I DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT.
you dont know what its like to feel useless everytime you promise to call back and you never do.
when you drag me along to hang out with your friends when i just want to see you.
A long time ago you promised that there would never be a night where i didnt hear a goodnight from you. BULL FUCKING SHIT. you havent called in over two weeks but i still call you once a day. all i get is one measly text message saying "i love u" which doesnt count to me because you couldnt put just two more fucking letters in. is it that damn hard to say "I Love You"? is it that hard to call once a day? no it's not. you are busy but being that busy is complete bullshit.

FUCK YOU.

Poisson D'avril.

oh fantasticness of french club =]
for the wonderful april fish day we played a game of gotcha all around the school...during school.
it was crazy.
there were four teams. and you were only allowed to get people during lunch or passing periods.
it was crazy to say the least. if you think moorpark was crowded you are insane because bingham is at least 3 times more crowded. I got fished 6 times.... and i attemped to chase after both abbey and erica. it sucked. im not a runner oh and i got chased into my Quantitative analysis class by kabrina. im suprised i didnt trip over all of the desks but i got fished by her. it was intersting and i got a lot of exercise hahahahah. and first prize was a baskin robbins cake that i designed with mady's help. and we gave up on trying to figure out who the winner was so we all just shared the cake (with fishie decorations) and the swedish fish and the goldfish crackers and we had a bon poisson d'avril fete! and to add to the entertainment poor sick nicolas bennett was there with me like the entire time. poor kid needs some sleep but he had work. =[ sad day for nickface.